everything all over again

my life is undergoing change,
change always comes eventually - for better or for worse
it's just the more i observe how things progress the more i wish i could pause time
i wish i could go back, a week, a month, a year and warn my self about the future
i used to be so naive,
and happy.

drunk bullshit

I just got back from Josh's party, I am drunk as hell - chilling on facebook, as you do. Today wasn't incredibly eventfull, like it was nice; rlly nice, but good day are usually pretty much the same.

Today I turned sweet 16; never been kissed

I got my bdo ticket money, some clothes, a makeup bag, chocolates and lots of mulaah. I intend to spend my money on a phone, because I guess without a phone you are sort of cut of from society and your social life lol.
Idk, I'm sort of talking about nothing because I'm in a pretty good mood,
Josh's tonight was nice (other than the girl breaking the window with her head & me being sick)
I feel quite content with how I behaved, if they makes any sense at all?

I reckon I'm crapping on now,
I don't remember much other than working out on the excerise machine and taking a load of shite photos with everyone
the only thing is over the next few days I know I'll feel crap, it always happen when I drink.

But blehhhdhh I should probably go to bed, I am sooo tired
Got Sian's cup day thing tomorrow, I will be hungover as hell
I look forward to the food, because I love food



well wasn't that a load of bullshit>>
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

♥

And so Sally can wait,
She knows it's to late,
As we're walking on by,
Her soul slides away,
But don't look back in anger,
I heard you say

janine

i'm totally in -
just as long as we can try out for bigbrother one year, i've always wanted to go on it >>

oh and i might go on weekend 'away' to sit outside david tennants house and like wank
bahahahaha

the three deadly sins,

i see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil
my ability to pretend and shut my self off from the three deadly sins is scary. get into bed and sleep for 7 hours - during the day of course. sit up all night, watch extras and block out everything bad that happens. avoid msn, myspace, facebook - school is a no show.
its sadistic.

into the blackhole

it is the first time in weeks i have felt exhausted,
i just want to sleep off all the fucked up things i've said over the past 24 hours
i dont think ill show my face at school much this week

improvement & insomnia

i went to school everyday this week, and although you may not think much of my achievement - it has lightened my mood completely.
ever since thursday night when i realised that i had pretty much made the week, i have been unusually happy
unfortunately my insomnia is still as strong as ever,
i will usually sleep 3 - 4 hours a night, the only time i seem to sleep well is after copious amounts of alcohol
at night i seem to do all the things i never have the time to do during the day
i have a list of chores i try and complete before 2:30am every night
if i complete all the chores before 2:30am i find it slightly easier to sleep, but if i haven't finished i force my self to complete all the unfinished things

i was never a very tidy person, i actually enjoyed my room being messy
but every night i aim to tidy and perfect a different area in my room. i have started to become a little obsessed with this and even spray and wipe down my mirror and vanity table

also due to my insomnia i have started drawing,
and i know it's lame to draw when you aren't even good at it, but for a short time it takes my mind off all the things stopping me from going to sleep
i feel a lot less anxious and it helps my eyes to become tired

overal things are improving, i have my bad days but i have my good days

im just about to have a shower because tonight i'm going to one of rudi's things,
it should be nice, just your usual night
xx