smile

I'm lying in my Mums bed, surrounded by tissues, magazines and empty glasses. My Aunty has bought me raspberry Sara Lee ice cream, the rlly posh one that comes in the round paper tub. I can't breath through my nose, my vision is all blurry and my head feels like it is going to explode. And lying here, with glandular fever I manage to smile.
I feel rlly over-whelmed with how my family are looking after me. My Dad has given up his bed until I'm better, and today when I got my blood tests he sat with me. I have had blood tests before but today I was more sick than usual, and my Dad rlly hates blood. When the nurse was putting the sample into the capsule my Dad was squinting, but when he saw me looking at him he looked away. And my Mum keeps coming to talk to me, fetching and carrying for me. And she cuddles me a lot, and I love that. Every time my Aunty goes to town she buys me something lovely to try and cheer me up. They are have all be so good to me.
Ha, but my family is only half of the reason I was smiling.
The other side of my smile, is a cruel, smug and self-satisfied one. I was thinking about everything I have ever done. All the people I have hurt to become happy and to get what I want. The people I hurt are rarely significant to me, I have my loyalty and I know my boundaries. The reason I was thinking about this was I have been tossing over a decision in my mind. But considering the loss and the gain I have made up my mind.
The choice was a selfish one.
But all is in favour of me.

beuuuuuuurgh sick

i have never been this sick in my entire life, i feel so bloody horrible
on the verge of fucking death

d/t

He is the love of my life, forever and ever and ever.
Through rain and shine, day and night. I love him, and true love - lasts a life time
xxxx david tennant

a pool of thoughts

I know that I am a vague person, my thoughts are irregular and never logical. It's just that lately it's extent has become extreme, and basically it's getting really weird. I can't concentrate, and the harder I try the harder it is. My mind is constantly carried away by philosophical things, my body just loves to explore my brain. I often think about human existence, this planet, space and time.

Human Existence:
We all live - eat, sleep, breath and fuck. And if that is all we need to live, the biological side of things. Why do we think, why do we talk? Think about how small our planet is, but each person, in each country - is completely different. We all have a unique thoughts.. that is how the humans - as a race, have progressed so much. Think about it, within the space of 50 years, we have gone from black and white photographs, to films and then to colour television. We are all full of ideas and plans, how we want out lives to work out. We have so much ambition.
But why?
Why are people so important, if we weren't here everything would continue as before. Time never stops, everything would still grow - the trees and the animals. Personally, I don't believe in god, religions have so many faults. But I do believe that there is something, after death. If this is it - everything.. why do so many things occur in the world which are unexplained.
Hrm...
And like I have said before; Reality is just perception and concept, if you know nothing.. then nothing is real.

Time and Space:
Both time and space were here before us. This world wasn't made for us, it wasn't made for anything. It was an freak accident of nature, a phenomena. Time will always continue, that is one fact of life. When you die, the seconds will still pass - the hours and days. Everyone will live through your death, it might be hard for the people around you. But the world wont stop for anything or anyone. That is what makes everything so hard to take in.. :/ hrm

life

Look up and see the starsI never think before I speak the words just spill out, I love it

drought

"Life is hard, so fucking put your hard face on"
I am no longer an emotional wreck, but instead the opposite. I feel little remorse for my actions and put on a cold, blunt face. The malicious side of my personality however is bubbling up, I laugh at others hardships and plan ways to spoil things. My eyes are so dry, I couldn't push out tears if I tried. I don't care, I can't care.

I need to balance my emotions, I have just go from one extreme to the other.

Thoughts

Reality is just perception and concept, if you know nothing then nothing is real...