smile

I'm lying in my Mums bed, surrounded by tissues, magazines and empty glasses. My Aunty has bought me raspberry Sara Lee ice cream, the rlly posh one that comes in the round paper tub. I can't breath through my nose, my vision is all blurry and my head feels like it is going to explode. And lying here, with glandular fever I manage to smile.
I feel rlly over-whelmed with how my family are looking after me. My Dad has given up his bed until I'm better, and today when I got my blood tests he sat with me. I have had blood tests before but today I was more sick than usual, and my Dad rlly hates blood. When the nurse was putting the sample into the capsule my Dad was squinting, but when he saw me looking at him he looked away. And my Mum keeps coming to talk to me, fetching and carrying for me. And she cuddles me a lot, and I love that. Every time my Aunty goes to town she buys me something lovely to try and cheer me up. They are have all be so good to me.
Ha, but my family is only half of the reason I was smiling.
The other side of my smile, is a cruel, smug and self-satisfied one. I was thinking about everything I have ever done. All the people I have hurt to become happy and to get what I want. The people I hurt are rarely significant to me, I have my loyalty and I know my boundaries. The reason I was thinking about this was I have been tossing over a decision in my mind. But considering the loss and the gain I have made up my mind.
The choice was a selfish one.
But all is in favour of me.